


Wish on the Same Sky

by MVforVictory



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Assault, Blood, Bullying Mentions, Canon Compliant, Changkyun is special and will be treated as such, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Im Changkyun | I.M-centric, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It’s OT7 but, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, mentioned but nothing graphic really, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24607888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MVforVictory/pseuds/MVforVictory
Summary: Changkyun knows very little about what’s going on, but one thing he knows for certain is that it sucks.It’s strange, when Changkyun thinks about it. How several of the boys here have left marks on him, just like they have each other, but his never last. They always fade hours after, leaving behind blank skin covered in goosebumps.Or, Changkyun can see the marks they leave on each other and everyone in the group is kind of stupid.Written for our June 2020 prompt weekAll 7 prompts will be here
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Im Changkyun | I.M, Im Changkyun | I.M & Everyone, Im Changkyun | I.M/Everyone, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Minhyuk, Im Changkyun | I.M/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 64
Kudos: 247
Collections: June 2020 Prompt Week





	1. From Zero

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EbbaTriesToWrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/gifts), [EliKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliKat/gifts).



> heyyo, welcome to this mess.
> 
> So, a kpop writer discord im apart of planned a prompt week, and well—Hi?
> 
> and since y’all know I’m extra as all hell, I decided to try and use both prompts for each day...and connect them into one story because WHY NOT.
> 
> So here I am, hurting Changkyun again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Soulmates | Enemies to Lovers**
> 
> Changkyun, the new kid in their gaggle of teammates finds out, one by one, that he shares a soulmate bond with all of them. One problem, they all hate him.  
> It starts and ends with Hyungwon.

It starts out like everything else does in Changkyun’s life.

Usually while it’s falling apart.

He craves stability in the most basic terms of the word, but the world really seems to hate him and continues to dangle it just out of his reach. And it fucking sucks.

“Did you want any help?” Changkyun gestures to the table in front of him, littered with dishes and half-empty cups but Hyungwon just raises an eyebrow at him.

It makes Changkyun feel small in a way that he doesn’t really understand, in a way only Hyungwon can really do, like Changkyun has said something funny but he doesn’t get the joke like the taller boy does.

It reminds him of the Drama class, back in Boston, when a group of kids invited him to join their group. Changkyun didn’t really think himself much of an actor, made even harder by his shaky grasp on English, so he didn’t know why they accepted him so quickly.

He pretended not to notice the whispers behind his back and the glares aimed at him whenever he takes longer than a few seconds to get a word out.

It confused him. Changkyun had done nothing to them, had barely even been able to work the courage up to introduce himself, and all he’d gotten in return was insults and scoffs.

Changkyun knew they didn’t actually want him in their group, but when he thought about his mom’s hopeful face at the idea of him making friends, then he was able to ignore each time his books get knocked out of his hands and curses scribbled over anything that wasn’t written in English. 

That’s what this reminds him of. The glares when he stands on the outside, looking in on what he wished he could have.

Those months spent in Boston had nearly killed him. The worst of it came during their Health and Biology classes, in the weeks focusing on _soulmates_ and their connections, when Changkyun realized that not everyone could see the colors that bloom on everyone’s skin, only their own.

And it was only made worse when he started seeing swathes of colors spreading themselves over his classmates when a girl slaps a boy in the face for looking up her skirt. He’s not supposed to be able to see that.

So he goes home and asks his father about it, when he’s told that less than 2% of the population have that ability, how it’s a recessive gene but that didn’t make a lot of sense to him at the time. Nothing really did.

He also finds out that most people only retain their first point of contact, which would make sense to him when he sees the boy still has the hot-pink marring his cheek the neck day, except now the girl shares a line of navy along her own, likely from someone brushing her hair from her face.

His mother told him to keep quiet about it. Other kids would be jealous of it and he shouldn’t feel bad for being special.

He didn’t listen.

_Freak._

And everything took a swan dive out the window after that.

Mocking words turn into scathing insults, pushes become punches and bruises bleed into his skin like ink on paper. It matches the tear-smeared words of the pleading notes written during that time.

The time of lyrics filled with everything he couldn’t say, papers stained with specks of crimson that get destroyed before anyone can find them. Dreams that burned out and faded into nothing.

“It’s late, you two,” Kihyun’s voice brings him out of his thoughts, and Changkyun realizes he had just been staring at one of the cracks in the linoleum of their kitchen floor for however long as Hyungwon did dishes, “You should be well rested for tomorrow. Big day ahead of us.”

Hyungwon nods, it looks like he has pretty much finished with the chore while Changkyun was lost in his head. That’s not good. He thought that had stopped happening.

Kihyun sighs when Changkyun doesn’t follow the taller boy, “C’mon, kid,” he says, moving to grab the rapper’s hand to guide him away.

It takes too much to stop the flinch, so he does what he can to minimize it and make sure that Kihyun’s fingers circle around his forearm, rather than his hand.

As long as Changkyun doesn’t touch him, he’s fine. They won’t know.

He can ignore the orchid that seeps into his skin and hope he never forgets to avoid his fingers coming in contact with any part of them. Not again.

Maybe Jooheon had noticed the maroon that blossomed along his thigh when Changkyun did, because Jooheon could see it too and that’s why the older rapper has been ignoring him since.

He hasn’t said anything to him about the mark, and neither have the others so Changkyun doesn’t bring it up.

It’s strange, when Changkyun thinks about it. How several of the boys here have left marks on him, just like they have each other, but his never last. They always fade hours after, leaving behind blank skin covered in goosebumps.

He’s too embarrassed to ask his father about it, and too afraid to look up what it could mean.

What if it’s because his soulmates don’t want him? Changkyun really should have paid more attention in class.

But he was paying attention now, and it felt gross just how obsessed he seemed but he could draw a diagram showing just where every mark was placed on them. 

He could see each and every one of them, after all. Sometimes it felt like all he could see.

Changkyun may have come late, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that six of the nine (eight-after the last challenge) remaining boys had a soulmate bond, even if they themselves didn’t know the real extent of it.

It seemed some knew about mutual matches, like Minhyuk and Hyungwon, but haven’t admitted to having any other marks.

Kihyun has covered the most, he thinks. He knows of at least 3, not including himself, that have a purple mark somewhere on their body. Hyunwoo, Minhyuk, and Hoseok all share swatches of it.

Changkyun is pretty sure Hyungwon has the least with only Minhyuk’s peachy-mess spreading along his left elbow and up, while only Minhyuk and Hoseok had his color permanently.

No, Jooheon also only has one. His. But Hyunwoo and Kihyun both have the rapper’s colors.

Gunhee is blank, just like Yoonho had been, and Seokwon has a stripe of yellow along his shoulder blade that seems to glow underneath his clothing at night.

So he guesses that, based off of the intertwining colors that seem to connect in circles, the six that have all left marks on him at least once also share marks with each other.

It makes his head hurt, it makes his chest ache.

And while he felt guilty that he was probably the one stopping them from just admitting it to each other, likely all thinking themselves the _odd one out_ for having more than one, he isn’t going to be the one to tell them.

Changkyun doesn’t know much, but he does know that poly-bonds _do_ exist. They’re not all that common, and the larger the number, they rarer they get. 

Most groups over four treat the bond as a platonic one, or split off into pairs.

But where does that leave him?

Alone.

* * *

“C’mere, Kyun,” Jooheon says, voice almost as watery as his eyes. He pulls Changkyun in and it’s too much to keep his hands down so he doesn’t even try. It shouldn’t matter, he’s already left his color on Jooheon’s thigh and has been practically rejected since, but then he feels the warmth under his palms as more color seems to bleed off of them.

Jooheon lets out a small gasp, pulling away from the hug so he can try to catch a glimpse of the deep-red streaking across his back.

“Was that…another—?” 

It’s the first time he's mentioned anything close to their soulbond, and Changkyun can’t help the hope swelling in his chest.

Jooheon looks shocked, to say the least, “How did…”

Words seem to have failed him. Changkyun doesn’t want to explain.

“Hyung—”

He doesn’t get to finish before the older rapper seems to realize the severity of the situation and steps back as the tears finally spill down his checks.

He’s gone before Changkyun can even try to reach out.

_Stupid. Should’ve known better, should’ve known._

“He wanted me to be his soulmate.”

“W-What?” Changkyun turns around to see Gunhee leaning against the stage wall. The older rapper doesn’t look nearly as upset as Changkyun thinks he should.

“My color was on him. His wasn’t on me.”

That can’t be right. That can’t be. Changkyun would have seen it.

Gunhee smiles, “It’s not there anymore,” he explained and the smile turns bittersweet, “You can see them too, can’t you?”

Changkyun nods. 

“Then are you the one that…?”

_Marked him when I couldn’t?_

Changkyun nods again.

“I see,” Gunhee mutters, “Give him time, he’ll figure it out soon enough. The others will come around too, but not unless you let them in.”

He walks away, and Changkyun is left with even more questions than before.

* * *

Jooheon ignores him after that, after Gunhee and Seokwon are made to move out, after Changkyun is moved into a room with him, Minhyuk, and Kihyun.

The other rapper is still the only one that knows, at least until Changkyun is woken up to the sound of glass shattering.

He rushes out of bed, navigating his way through the dark hallways in search of the noise as unease fills his chest. 

The light flicks on before he can think about it, a sharp gasp ringing out in the near-silent dorm.

“Ki-Hyung?” Changkyun sleepily questions, “What’re you doing…Oh—”

He rushes forward to grab Kihyun’s hand in his own to get a better look at the litany of cuts covering the skin but freezes at the red that mingles together.

He forgot…

How had he forgotten? Oh god, how had he let himself forget? He was so _careless,_ why was he so careless why didn’t he just fucking _think_ first why doesn’t he ever just _think first._

“Changkyun-ah,” Kihyun calmly interjects, “Just—Just give me a second,” he takes a breath and Changkyun can’t help but follow, “I’m trying to figure out what the hell is happening.”

“You have Hyunwoo-Hyung’s mark,” Changkyun blurts out without thinking, “And he has yours. But you have others too! B-But so does Wonho and Minhyuk-Hyung. Minhyuk and Hyungwon-Hyung have each other’s and I…I don’t…”

Kihyun just watches the maroon slide over the back of his wrist, completely ignoring the glass still shattered around them. 

Would Changkyun leave another mark after that one settles? Like he had to Jooheon? The rapper still has the first one but the one from the night of the finale is gone once again.

It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but Changkyun should be used to that by now.

“Surprise?”

He spends the next few hours explaining everything to Kihyun, sitting side by side in the quiet of the dorm, wishing things could be different as Kihyun seems to close himself off. 

* * *

“Stop looking at me like that.”

Changkyun nearly chokes on the chicken in his mouth as he hurries to avert his gaze from Hoseok’s, “S-Sorry.”

The older male just grunts, but it sounds sad and tired and Changkyun can’t help himself. 

“Wonho-Hyung? Are you okay?”

Hoseok’s lips form a thin line at the question, Changkyun almost regrets asking. “My mom hasn’t been doing the best,” he surprisingly admits, “She’s not used to being alone like this.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“You sure apologize a lot,” Hoseok points out. 

“…Sorry…”

It makes Hoseok chuckle, Changkyun feels a little bit better after seeing that stormy look in his eyes disappear. 

The older boy reaches a hand out. It sits heavy on Changkyun’s shoulder and he wearily eyes it as a sky-blue makes itself comfortable. 

It’s the first time he’s gotten Hoseok’s color, which only further proves his theory correct. 

“Try not to mess up, kid,” he says, “This is a really big deal for all of us. Finally getting to debut is no walk in the park.”

Changkyun wants to bite out an _I know, I’ve been here before and had it_ ripped _away,_ but he cannot fault the others for not knowing the secrets he won’t share. 

“I’ll do my best…” Changkyun hates how unsure he always sounds, always feels, around these boys. Like he’s balancing on the fine line between friend and foe now that the competition is over. 

But it’s better than what he expected, on the slim chance he won. He’d take this uncertainty over _knowing_ the others hate him, and the only colors they put on his skin are followed by bruises. 

He must have become complacent in his time there, because he rests a hand over Hoseok’s and loses himself in his thoughts before he can see the color that slinks through the vocalist’s fingers and the shock morphing his face. 

* * *

_‘I tr-tried to be go-od, ma,’ Changkyun sobbed, “Wanted to but they—they don’t like m-me.’_

_She didn’t answer, she never did, only held him tighter as he cried against her shoulder._

_He was just a kid, he shouldn’t have to deal with this. Nursing scraped knees and bruised shoulders too often for it to be okay._

_‘Why? W-W-Why don’t they-ey?’_

“Changkyun-ah.”

_What did he ever do to deserve this? Could he fix it? He just wanted them to accept him, they didn’t even have to like him. He was sick of being mocked, of being hated._

“Changkyun, wake up.”

_Don’t say anything that makes you sound weird, don’t say anything, just don’t say anything or they’ll call you a freak and lock you in closets and spike your drink at the dance and you’ll be dizzydizzydizzy and no one will believe you because no one ever believes you and—_

“Kyun,” the voice was accompanied by gentle hands shaking him awake, “It’s just a dream, kid. You’re fine.”

The blurring walls of the gymnasium melt away, leaving the walls of his room standing dark in their wake. 

Changkyun felt himself stirring, just barely, when the person in front of him whispered a choked _“Oh, god,”_ before pulling back. His fingers are pried away from the shirt he hadn’t even known they were tangled in, grasping at nothing in an attempt to stop them. 

They’re leaving him, why are they leaving him? He lets out a whine but only receives silence and the blurry figure escaping out his door. 

He was still dreaming, then. 

He has to still be dreaming. Minhyuk wouldn’t care enough about him to try and comfort him, never Minhyuk. Maybe Kihyun, but not Minhyuk. Minhyuk doesn’t like him, makes fun of his dancing and compares him to Gunhee and Jooheon and everyone that Changkyun _knows_ is better than him.

It hurts but it’s nothing he hasn’t already dealt with, so he plans to ignore it for the sake of the group. Even if they don’t really like him, as long as they can just tolerate him, then maybe they can be happy with each other and Changkyun can be happy to exist.

Would he ever be happy to just exist? 

_Red._

Probably not.

He was so tired.

_Black ink on white paper and red lines on tan skin._

_Sorry, mom. Dad._

It wasn’t a dream. The mark is there, plain as day, on Minhyuk’s chest the next morning.

* * *

“Ow.”

“Hyunwoo-Hyung, are you sure it’s not broken?”

“I don’t know,” Hyunwoo admits, “I’ve never actually had a broken nose before…Or seen one.”

Changkyun sighs, rubs his palms against his eyes to fight the tears that threaten to spill over.

It was like it all happened in slow motion. Changkyun watched as Hyunwoo’s foot caught, sending them stumbling together towards the floor. 

Changkyun lucked out, only rolling his ankle slightly on the way down. At this point, anything likely worse than a sprain would have taken him out of commission for longer than a few weeks, and he couldn’t afford that with their debut just around the corner. 

“Why did you trip him?” Minhyuk growls, punctuated by the finger he jabs at Changkyun’s chest. 

He can feel more than see the peach that makes its presence known there, but the fire in Minhyuk’s eyes is too biting to turn away from. 

Changkyun stutters, “I—I didn’t. He knocked into me…”

Minhyuk doesn’t look like he _wants_ to believe it. Like he’s looking for a reason to get him kicked from the group, Changkyun knows that’s what this is. 

A setup. Hyunwoo took the literal fall for them so they could pin it on him and get him removed from the lineup because he’s a danger to himself and others. 

They don’t want him enough to put together something like this and that hurts so much more than Changkyun thought it could. He wants to scream, ask them _why_ but he knows. 

“Kyun-ah,” Kihyun calls, “Come over here.”

Against his better judgement, Changkyun slowly makes his way to where the vocalist and the leader sit, finding it impossible not to look at how their colors seem to glow whenever they touch. 

Hyungwon is giving him that look again. 

He follows Kihyun’s eyes to the bruising that flowers around Hyunwoo’s nose and lifts a cautious hand up to gently smooth over the bump. 

Hyunwoo doesn’t even wince, just crosses his eyes in an effort to see the wine-red spilling across the bridge of his nose. 

Oh. Maybe Changkyun should have picked a better place for the first one. 

“Can I…?”

Changkyun nods, watching as Hyunwoo lifts a much larger, much rougher hand up to graze it along his forearm. 

He doesn’t know what the leader’s aim would have been, it’s not like he could see it, but then Hyunwoo lets out another tiny gasp and Changkyun realizes he could be wrong. 

“So, has everyone finally figured it out now?” Hyungwon sighs, “Because I swear, some of you are so dense.” He says it while staring at both Minhyuk and Jooheon. 

It makes Changkyun feel a bit better, knowing that he’s not the only one that receives that look. Maybe that’s just Hyungwon’s face. 

“What do you mean?” Kihyun asks, “Can you see them?”

Hyungwon shakes his head, looking disinterested but his voice gives away something Changkyun can’t quite place, “No, but I don’t need to.”

“So, how did you know?” Changkyun asks. Hyungwon has marked two people, and carries even less. Other than Jooheon, Changkyun would have thought the tallest to be the least likely to figure it out. 

“I don’t know, okay? It’s…It’s like a feeling. Around all of you. It’s different then with anyone else.”

He looks unsure and awkward and really, really pretty, so Changkyun thinks _fuck it_ and walks up to him. 

It’s easy to ignore the tightness in his ankle when the look of shock on the taller’s face is so amusing as Changkyun curls a hand around his arm, just below Minhyuk’s mark. He watches them swirl into a gradient before flowering out and staying.

“Yeah…” Hyungwon breathes out, “That feeling.”

And somehow, just like that, Changkyun has managed to taint all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thus concludes chapter one.  
> I’m not too happy w this as it was whipped up very very fast, but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> pls leave comments nd kudos I rly appreciate them even if I suck at answering


	2. In Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **The little things | Epiphany**
> 
> The six others, through little moments of clarity, realize what Changkyun has known since the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihi second part here wooooo, make sure you check out the other fics in this collection!!
> 
> If there’s spelling errors, suck it up I’m not proofreading bc proofreading = deleting

Somethings up with the new kid. 

Hyungwon doesn’t know how to explain it, but something is _different_ about him, something feels off. But not necessarily wrong, either. 

Sometimes Changkyun can barely move but the area around him still seems alive with energy. Like there’s electricity in the air, surrounding him like a shield that Hyungwon is too hesitant to attempt to pass.

Sometimes he’s chatty as all hell before he catches himself and shrinks back in embarrassment. 

Sometimes he just stops. 

His eyes glaze over and it’s like the younger boy isn’t even present in the room anymore. Changkyun is already so quiet, and when he dips out like that it’s like he completely disappears. 

Like now. Changkyun had asked Hyungwon if he needed help cleaning up from dinner and the next thing he knew, Changkyun was having the most intense staring contest with a grain of rice on the floor. 

Hyungwon’s called his name a few times now, but nothing has garnered a reaction greater than a twitching eyebrow or a jerk of his hand. 

The kid’s mentally checked out, then. Dropped the key card back at the receptionist and left without his baggage, huh?

He thinks about trying to pull him out with a hand on the shoulder, or something, but before he can do anything, Kihyun comes by to usher them into their rooms and decides that leaving the youngest to him would be a better idea then anything Hyungwon could do.

There’s something special about that kid, but he doesn’t know what. 

* * *

Changkyun nearly falls when his name is called, even Jooheon can see that through his tears as he stands there on the first pedestal. 

Even after, when they’ve been put together as seven, Changkyun is still shaking where he stands. Jooheon doesn’t think someone with a secured spot would look like that, with barely suppressed sobs shaking his shoulders and eyes squeezed shut in disbelief.

Jooheon forgets about the potential cheating, forgets about the soulmark he never wanted, and walks up to the younger boy, “C’mere, Kyun,” he says. He almost doesn’t recognize his own voice, but still pulls Changkyun closer, close enough that he can feel the warmth circling his body.

Changkyun’s arms slowly come up to encircle his back and Jooheon feels like he’s been punched in the chest.

His eyes burn and itch but there’s Minhyuk next to them covered in colors that Jooheon can _see._ He can see them but why?

He doesn’t know if he’s imagining it, but what the _fuck?_

It feels like a bunch of little pricks of electricity trailing along his back and he whips his head around so he can try and see _what_ is happening but there’s even more of that maroon spreading across his back and he doesn’t _know—_

“Was that…another—?” 

He can’t breathe, doesn’t know _how_ Changkyun could mark him again. That’s not in the shit they teach you in school, and Jooheon paid attention! He had always been interested, _excited, even,_ to learn more.

It should have been Gunhee, but it wasn’t.

“How did…”

And now Changkyun’s handprint lays over where Gunhee’s used to be.

“Hyung—”

He wishes Gunhee had just lied to him, had told him that Jooheon’s mark was there too and there was just something small, _insignificant,_ wrong with their bond that stopped Jooheon from seeing it after but he _didn’t._

Gunhee told him that it was okay, he wanted Jooheon to be happy, even if that wasn’t with him. 

He—He gave Jooheon _permission_ to let him go if he met his soulmate and now he has and that means Gunhee is going to—to leave _him._

Jooheon doesn’t want Changkyun if it means losing Gunhee. 

* * *

_“Fuck,”_ Kihyun hisses. 

Barely a second of distraction and somehow he manages to break one of Minhyuk’s favorite cups. God, the other vocalist was going to kill him when he found out. 

The light turns on, something that he should have done but didn’t want to risk waking anybody up. Although, it looks like he did anyway, as a sleepy rapper stumbles in. 

“Ki-Hyung?” Changkyun mumbles, rubbing at tired eyes, “What’re you doing…Oh—”

Kihyun finds his hand being snatched up in the maknae’s unusually warm ones, turned and moved to get a better look at the scratches there. 

And then he watches as blood seems to cover his hand. 

No, it isn’t blood…It’s…

It’s another mark. 

Changkyun is frozen, doesn’t even look like he’s breathing and Kihyun honestly feels the same way. 

He should have known something was up after getting Minhyuk’s color almost immediately following Hyunwoo’s. Neither brought it up, so he didn’t either. 

Maybe he didn’t mark them, and he was just an anomaly. 

But then Jooheon gave him a playful slap on the ass, and now he’s got a honey-yellow handprint there. 

He figured it out after that, but it wasn’t until now that he’s really understood. 

It’s got to be the seven of them, right? It’s got to be destiny, how they’ve all gotten here, _right?_

Changkyun lets out a choked whine, making Kihyun shush him gently. 

“Changkyun-ah, Just—Just give me a second.” What should be even say? Changkyun’s freaking out and so is he, but Kihyun _knows_ why he’s freaking out, but why Changkyun? “I’m trying to figure out what the hell is happening,” he admits. 

He can see the gears turning in the younger’s head. Changkyun knows something that Kihyun doesn’t, and he doesn’t like that. 

Except he doesn’t have to wait long before he gets an answer, however vague.

“You have Hyunwoo-Hyung’s mark,” Changkyun pushes out in one breath, “And he has yours. But you have others too! B-But so does Wonho and Minhyuk-Hyung. Minhyuk and Hyungwon-Hyung have each other’s and I…I don’t…” He trails off, unsure. 

The red is mesmerizing, Kihyun watches as it wraps itself around his wrist and continues up. 

A poly-bond, then, with Changkyun as their center. Definitely destiny.

Hoseok was going to have a field day when he finds out about this, Kihyun couldn’t wait.

“Surprise?” Changkyun sheepishly mutters.

“Tell me everything,” Kihyun sighs, “It’s all of us, right? And you can see them?”

Changkyun looks surprised at the questions, like he honestly hadn’t expected Kihyun to know.

The prospect of having even one soulmate never really appealed to him, let alone six, and he can feel that dread settling as Changkyun tells him everything he knows about their interweaving marks.

Which isn’t much.

* * *

Changkyun has been looking at him for several minutes now, but his face is blank and Hoseok feels like the rapper is just staring through him.

It’s fucking creepy.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he spits out, the words containing far more venom than he intended.

Changkyun’s eyes widen before he looks away, hastily swallowing as he stutters, “S-Sorry.”

“Hn.”

“Wonho-Hyung?” Changkyun finally looks back up at him, “Are you okay?”

Hoseok wants to grit his teeth and ask why the little squirt cares, but that’s not what comes out. “My mom hasn’t been doing the best. She’s not used to being alone like this.”

Changkyun’s eyes soften, “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“You sure apologize a lot,” Hoseok points out. 

“…Sorry…”

Hoseok can’t help but laugh a little at that. Changkyun’s cheeks take on a rosy hue.

It’s what makes him place a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder, rubbing a thumb there as Changkyun eyes it like Hoseok is going to punch him, or something. 

He sighs again, “Try not to mess up, kid. This is a really big deal for all of us. Finally getting to debut is no walk in the park.”

It’s not what he wanted to say, but it’s what comes out. 

“I’ll do my best…”

And then Hoseok stops paying attention when Changkyun’s palm meets the back of his hand, and suddenly Changkyun lights up like a fucking rainbow. 

He’s got patches of yellow and purple and now Hoseok’s blue stays in place, even after he yanks his hand away. 

It comes back stained the same color as the beat-up, old Camaro his dad used to drive around. 

The colors on the rapper’s body go away as soon as Hoseok’s hand does, but Changkyun doesn’t even seem to realize what transpired between the two of them as he just continues to stare at some point on the ground behind where Hoseok stands. 

Hyungwon’s color hadn’t come as much of a shock, but then Kihyun’s appeared before he could talk to Hyungwon and he hadn’t known what to think. 

Now, with the addition of Changkyun’s color, Hoseok looks down at his body, expecting to feel some sort of resentment but it’s not there. 

He just feels played, like the universe was playing a sick game and he’s just realized he wasn’t anything more than a pawn. 

* * *

Minhyuk wakes up to soft cries and pleas that have seemingly no answer. 

The source of the noise is the newbie, brown hair tousled as he tosses and turns in bed. 

Well, he won’t be able to sleep like this, so Minhyuk reasons that waking Changkyun up is really the only viable option. 

He crawls out of bed, trying to avoid rousing Kihyun in an effort to see what was going on with their new maknae. 

“Changkyun-ah.”

The younger boy doesn’t even stir, barely makes anything more than a peep so Minhyuk tries again. 

“Changkyun, wake up.”

 _“Stop,_ dizzy,” Changkyun mumbles into the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to turn his chest away from Minhyuk’s hands. 

He’s never this hard to wake up, usually Kihyun can just look at the kid and he’ll be up and ready. “Kyun. It’s just a dream, kid,” Minhyuk winces, now actively attempting to wake him, “You’re fine.”

The words sound awkward as hell coming out of his mouth. He’s no Kihyun, and Changkyun isn’t someone he really knows how to deal with. The kid’s too quiet, has too many secrets Minhyuk doesn’t care to know. 

The rapper’s fingers come up and tangle themselves into Minhyuk’s silky nightshirt and he panics for a second. Changkyun’s face is still twisted up into that grimace, one of the few times he’s shown any outward emotion, but Minhyuk’s chest feels like it’s getting stung by a bunch of really little, really annoying bees. 

The red on his chest is clear as anything, and so is the coral that spreads over Changkyun’s shoulder that Minhyuk isn’t _supposed to see?_

It goes away as soon Minhyuk untangles Changkyun’s fingers from his shirt because it’s not meant to be there, that’s not how this was supposed to happen. It should have been him and Hyungwon and no one else but then more colors started appearing and now Changkyun’s is there and—

_“Oh, god.”_

Changkyun’s is there.

Minhyuk needs to leave, now. He needs to get out and talk to Hyungwon or bury his head in the ground or _something._

* * *

Mirrors are hard and now his head hurts.

Hyunwoo winces as Kihyun continues to poke around his face, “Ow.” 

The vocalist’s mouth sets into a thin line, concern shining in his eyes, “Hyunwoo-Hyung, are you sure it’s not broken?”

No, Hyunwoo isn’t sure. He can scrunch it without hurting too bad, but that makes his eyes ache and he almost feels like he’s going to sneeze. Which probably wouldn’t be a good idea.

“I don’t know. I’ve never actually had a broken nose before…” He pauses, “Or seen one.”

Kihyun continues to prod his face, checking his eyes to see if he has a concussion, probably. At least he didn’t hit his head, that would be a whole lot worse than a bruise on his nose.

“Why did you trip him?”

Hyunwoo turns his eyes to where Minhyuk has Changkyun practically backed up against the wall. He’s the leader and knows that he needs to answer but his head is swimming and maybe he does actually have a concussion.

He just watches Changkyun’s shoulders curl inward as his arms move to cover his chest where Minhyuk jabbed at a few seconds ago.

“I—I didn’t,” Changkyun’s voice wavers as he speaks, “He knocked into me…”

Which was true. Hyunwoo just remembers his feet catching before he was falling, he didn’t even know Changkyun was a part of the fall until now.

The youngest’s cheeks are tinted red with embarrassment and Hyunwoo can’t help but think he looks kind of cute like this.

 _Cute_ is usually a thought reserved for Kihyun, or even Jooheon, but now it’s something he associates with the maknae.

Kihyun shifts next to him ,”Kyun-ah, come over here.”

Silently, cautiously, Changkyun meets them on the other side of the practice room before kneeling next to where he and Kihyun sit.

He looks wary, like he’s expecting Kihyun to yell at him like Minhyuk did.

Hyunwoo doesn’t really know why Kihyun even called the kid over but Changkyun seems to because he moves right into Hyunwoo’s line of vision.

Changkyun’s hands come up to rest in the sides of his face, thumbs gently smoothing along his nose and cheeks. There’s a tingling where the pads of his fingers trail along and suddenly there’s a burst of red in his eyes.

They cross in his attempt to catch a glimpse of the color that spreads over his nose and across his cheek, like a really intense sunburn and Changkyun freezes.

It’s like Hyunwoo has been dunked in ice water. There’s a clarity he’s never experienced before, he can see the most intense colors covering Kihyun, Hoseok, even Minhyuk.

Oh. 

Changkyun still stays wide-eyed in front of him. Hyunwoo can’t help himself.

“Can I…?”

Changkyun nods, which leads to Hyunwoo raising a hand to the rapper’s arm, dragging his fingertips up and watching trails of forest green follow.

It’s the first time he’s seen his own color. He didn’t think himself much of a green, but Changkyun was definitely a red.

“So, has everyone figured it out now?” Hyungwon asks, sighing as he rubs at his temples before he turns to stare down Jooheon and Minhyuk, “Because I swear, some of you are so dense.”

“What do you mean?” Kihyun asks, “Can you see them?”

Hyungwon looks the same as he always does, bored, but they can all hear the note of excitement in his voice, “No,” he admits, “But I don’t need to.”

“So, how did you know?” Changkyun quietly questions. He sounds surprised, like this wasn’t really an outcome he expected.

“I don’t know, okay? It’s…” Hyungwon mutters, “It’s like a feeling. Around all of you. It’s different then with anyone else.”

They all watch as Changkyun walks up to the lanky boy, a barely noticeable limp in his walk that Kihyun’s going to scold him about later, before he wraps a tan hand around Hyungwon’s arm.

Several emotions pass over his face, but the lingering look of _happiness_ might be the best one.

“Yeah…” Hyungwon breathes out, “That feeling.”

And somehow, just like that, Changkyun has managed to connect all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos or i riot >:))
> 
> (yes this is the same chapter as the first one but parallel let me live)


	3. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Childhood crush | "Hey! This is our song!"**
> 
> A boy from Kyun’s Boston-related past finds him now. The others don’t know why they find the boy so... _off._  
>  They were right. He’s kind of obsessive.   
> Bad things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI sorry this is two days delayed but there was a _literal_ tornado here Wednesday night so I’m a little behind on the prompts, pls forgive me
> 
> and I know Kyun lived in Boston from like 5-8 or smthn but for the _sake of the fic_ pls go with it
> 
> also, I didn’t proofread again ahah notice a trend?

The weeks following are awkward, to say the least. 

Changkyun will be the first to admit that he’s an awkward person, mainly because it _is_ true. He makes weird jokes that people don’t really get, or are too dark to feel okay laughing at, and that’s fine. He gets that. 

But this whole thing of the others either ignoring everything he says, or laughing at it like he’s doing stand-up, is making him really uncomfortable. 

Minhyuk is the worst offender with the amount of switching he does between the two, Changkyun wishes he would just pick one and stick to it. 

And Jooheon had spent several hours avoiding him and sulking, but then Gunhee took him out and scolded him before returning to the dorms for dinner. 

So now the other rapper was back to participating in their studio sessions and Changkyun was content with that.

Their debut is mere days away, music videos have been shot and outfits questioned, leaving them just waiting for the official day. 

It’s so close, it almost doesn’t feel real. 

* * *

Changkyun stumbles into the kitchen with bleary eyes, still mostly asleep on the morning of the first real day of _DeokspatchX_ and all he wants to do is sleep for longer. 

Unsurprisingly, Kihyun is already up and making breakfast in the kitchen, but he is joined by someone Changkyun wouldn’t have expected. 

Hyungwon has himself sleepily draped across the shorter man’s back as he scrambles eggs over a skillet. 

The taller boy has been very touchy with Kihyun recently, resulting in the new addition of soulmarks on the pair. Hyungwon now has a half-violet ear from Kihyun helping him place a cuff around it, and Kihyun—

Well, Kihyun now has a teal handprint to mirror Jooheon’s yellow mark on his rear. 

_Pro:_ The two colors look nice together, at least. 

_Con:_ Changkyun is always going to see two glowing handprints on his hyung’s ass, no matter how many layers he wears. 

Jooheon wanders in not long after Changkyun sits down and plants himself on the seat next to him, “I don’t wannaaaaa,” he whines, “I was having such a good dream, dammit.”

“Usually you’re the most excited for filming fan stuff,” Kihyun jokes as he ruffles the already-mused hair atop the rapper’s head. Natural, now that they’ve all found out. 

Changkyun can’t help but wish Kihyun found it that easy to touch him, but he thinks it has something to do with how weird he must seem now. Kihyun was the only one he’s really sat down and explained what he knows to. The others all seem too hesitant to ask, even talk to him.

Maybe it’s because of how much more comfortable they are with each other, maybe it’s because he came just that little bit later, maybe it’s because they just don’t like him. 

Either way, he wants their attention like that. 

Or, at the very least, their acceptance. 

He’s just starting to doze off again—just doze, nothing more—when the hurricane that is Minhyuk barrels through the doorway. “Hello, young children. Good morning!”

Kihyun shoots him a glare at being called a child, but it’s paid no mind so he just huffs as he grumbles about not giving Minhyuk any bacon. 

“Ki-Ki,” Minhyuk pouts, _“C’mooooon._ That’s no way to treat your soulmate!”

Kihyun freezes, Changkyun holds his breath as he watches the vocalist’s hands and the death grip they have on the counter. 

“Minhyuk. Sit down, please.”

The blonde’s eyes open comically wide before returning to making that dumb pout as he takes the seat next to Jooheon. Now it’s his turn to grumble about the other ‘93-liner, but Changkyun is still trying to make sense of what just happened. 

Try as he might, Changkyun cannot unravel the mystery that surrounds these boys. He spends hours awake at night trying to sort up from down and left from right but just ends up running himself in circles. 

Hyunwoo is too quiet, Hoseok hides too much behind fake emotions, Minhyuk is too _loud,_ Jooheon is trying too hard, Hyungwon isn’t trying at all, and Kihyun…

Kihyun scares him, honestly. 

As cliche as it sounds, Kihyun reminds him a lot of his mother, and his mother was not a woman to be messed with.

Within the hour, all seven boys are gathered around the table as Hyunwoo gives them the rundown of their day’s plans. 

As they already knew, it’s another _Deokspatch_ episode, but it’s the start of a new season and their first one as an actual group. 

Changkyun is…actually looking forward to it.

* * *

  
“I hate this color.”

Hyungwon grumbles after pulling on the t-shirt they’d all been asked to wear, continuing to talk about how it washes him out and does no favors for his skin tone. 

Changkyun almost wants to point out that it’s nearly the same color as Hoseok’s mark, but decides against needlessly inserting himself in the conversation. He prefers not giving Hyungwon any reason to make that face he always does. 

It’s April, meaning it’s not too hot out with the sun tucked away behind a few clouds, but it’s enough that wearing anything heavier would suck after a few minutes.

Changkyun hates short sleeves, and he really hates the look the makeup artist gives him when he asks for her help.

“Okay, boys,” their manager directs them, “Line up along here. We’ll count you in and you can introduce yourselves. Wonho, you’ll be taking first, and then just try to loosely follow the scripting guidelines from there. Ready?”

Just like he said, they’re counted in and signaled to introduce their group in sync, followed by Hoseok yelling about the start of season 2 finally happening.

Jooheon takes the first _MC_ position off to the side, as the remaining six split off into pairs. Hyungwon continues to hang off of Kihyun and the two more muscular members stand together.

Leaving Changkyun shifting under the weight of Minhyuk’s arm on his shoulders, feeling the colors swim between them.

But…maybe it won’t be too bad, because Hyunwoo is upfront and dancing to ‘Touch my Body’ like a three-legged giraffe and Kihyun looks seconds away from pissing himself.

Changkyun enjoys seeing them lose the serious tone they kept all competition, just having fun and enjoying the ridiculous things they do to entertain their fans.

Hoseok barely even lasts a minute before giving up and Minhyuk takes his place.

And does…whatever _that_ is.

Kihyun is still dying, and even Changkyun is smiling harder than he ever thinks he has in front of these cameras.

Spider-Minhyuk jumps around for a bit longer and Changkyun braces himself against Kihyun’s shoulder for a split second as he laughs, but a second is all the color needs to transfer.

Kihyun gave him a small grin before it drops, slipping into some jacked-up persona that Changkyun can’t wait to see.

And then it’s his turn.

Changkyun’s gonna sell that shit.

He doesn’t even think about making a fool of himself, just does whatever he can to make them laugh and amps it up when he hears it working.

There’s a sense of pride he feels about being the one to garner the loudest reaction, even after seeing the two ‘94-liners doing their parts.

There’s an even crazier feeling at hearing their music, _their songs,_ playing as they make up stupid dances. It’s an incredible feeling, gratifying and satisfying and any other word Changkyun can’t think of. 

It’s profound and overwhelming, it feels like everything was worth it. People _like_ them already, it doesn’t even matter that Changkyun was the least liked or came on late, even he has his own set of fans, whether they’re new or followed him all the way from Nu’bility. 

The smile stays on his face after they’re told it’s a wrap, perfect in one shot. A rarity in their line of work, so they decide to celebrate.

The rest of what will become the first episode is going to be filmed at a later date, they’re told. A conference-style, so take care of your skin and appearance and blah blah blah.

The skin comment feels mostly directed at him, but for once Changkyun doesn’t let it get to him.

* * *

“What are you gonna get, Changkyun-ah?” Hoseok asks, smiling brightly as his arm fits into the same spot Minhyuk’s had been in earlier. 

He wonders what the two colors look like blended together. 

Hoseok has been in an unusually bright mood all day, not that Changkyun is complaining, but it’s almost weird enough to set him on edge. 

“Maybe just a coffee…” 

Something overly sugary can’t be good for him, obviously, and maybe cutting back on whatever unhealthy garbage is in these drinks will help with what he’s lacking as an idol. 

Jooheon pouts next to him, “C’mon, even Hyunwoo is getting something fun, and I think I’ve only ever seen him eat chicken and beer!”

“That’s not that healthy,” Changkyun mutters, but Jooheon’s point is still made when Hoseok, the most health-oriented of the lot of them, detached himself from the maknae’s side to order something in English that _Changkyun_ probably can’t even pronounce. 

It’s Changkyun’s turn next, and _‘a small, black coffee’_ sits heavy on his tongue but he’s not even able to get the words out before Hyungwon places a palm over his mouth, “He’ll take a caramel latte, skinny, please.”

He’s thankful no one else in the group can see the teal handprint over his mouth. 

“Hyung,” Changkyun begins to protest, “You didn't have to do that.”

“Skinny means no whip, sugar-free syrup, and non-fat milk,” Hyungwon quickly tells him, “I figured you were taking so long becau—”

_“Danny?”_

_“What the fuck?”_

Kihyun smacks him with a purple printed hand, but Changkyun doesn’t even care about the number of hand marks on him at this point.

_“What the fuck?”_ Changkyun repeats. 

Someone that he hasn’t seen—hasn’t wanted to see?—in _years_ is standing in front of him and Changkyun feels like he’s going to pass the fuck out. 

_“Danny,”_ Andrew smiles, teeth straighter and whiter than they had been as a middle-schoolers, _“It’s so crazy seeing you here. I’ve been thinking about you recently.”_

It’s so easy to forget that this was the kid that used to accuse him of eating neighborhood cats and made fun of his eyes and skin for several years when all Changkyun can think about is the _awful,_ self-destructive crush he had on the boy (man?) in front of him when they were younger. 

Even at 19, he has to catch himself from tripping over himself because of that smile. Andrew was, after all, Changkyun’s first boy crush. 

_“H-Hi,”_ Changkyun stutters, _“What are you…doing…here?”_

It’s been a while since he’s had to rely on English, and he’s not really prepared for the weird place it brings him back to or the off-tempo beating of his heart. 

_“I’m here on a spring break trip,”_ Andrew slings an arm around him, _“Crazy shit, huh?”_

Changkyun wants to push the arm off. It doesn’t feel right, doesn’t fit like Minhyuk and Hoseok’s do. 

_“Oh, are these your friends?”_

“Kyun-ah,” Hyungwon drawls, looking Andrew directly in the eyes with _that_ look, “Who’s the meat-head?”

He looks ready to throw hands. Maybe he’s angry at Changkyun holding them back or something. 

“Skinny caramel latte!”

_“Sorry, my—my drink,”_ Changkyun awkwardly tries to slip away, but it’s not working so he shoots an apologetic look at the others. 

The hand Andrew has on his shoulder only digs in, smile growing sharper, _“But, Danny. You haven’t introduced me to your friends.”_ He turns to the rest of the group, _“He—llo. My—name—is—Annn—Drew. I—am—a—_ friend _—of—Danny’s.”_

Minhyuk looks pissed, Kihyun looks ready to combust, Jooheon is staring at his iced coffee like it insulted his mother and Changkyun is actually afraid of Hyungwon hitting someone. 

“I don’t like him,” the tallest states, matter of factly, “He sounds like an asshole. Can we leave?”

“I agree,” Jooheon chimes in, even Hyunwoo nods his consent. 

_“Danny, we should go somewhere, just the two of us. I…There’s something I wanted to tell you.”_

Changkyun jumps, face flushing at the implications involved before facing the group. “You guys can…go back to the dorm if you want to…I’m gonna stay here for a little bit, I guess.” 

It goes against his better judgement, but the part of him that just wants to _please_ is crying for the opportunity to impress his old bully. 

Kihyun’s eyes narrow, “Are you going to be okay?” He asks, trying to catch Changkyun’s eyes but only gets a nod, “Alright…You have our numbers. Call when you’re on your way home and _please,_ leave before it gets dark.”

“Of course, Kihyun-Hyung,” Changkyun gives him a tired smile, “I’ll be okay.”

Having Kihyun worrying about him is nice, but it also makes Changkyun worry too. He doesn’t know Andrew’s intentions but he also knows enough to stay in public as a precaution. 

Minhyuk hands him the drink Hyungwon ordered for him before they’re out the door. 

* * *

“I don’t like him.”

“I don’t either, Wonnie,” Hoseok mumbles, “He gives me a weird vibe. Anyone else?”

Kihyun stays silent. He didn’t like how Changkyun wouldn’t meet his eyes. Something really doesn’t feel right with that other kid, there’s a glint in his smile that is unsettling at best and Kihyun really doesn’t like it. 

Jooheon scratches at the back of his neck before stopping, “Can we, like, stay in the area? I’d feel a lot better…”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Hyunwoo agrees, “That park over there, we can stay at one of the pavilions for a bit.”

It’s an easy plan, even easier to pretend that they’re just there to take a break as Jooheon and Minhyuk immediately race over to the swing-set. 

“I have a really bad feeling,” Hyungwon mumbles against the straw of his drink, “I don’t know why.”

Kihyun shrugs, at first he thought it was jealousy, but seeing Changkyun practically vibrating with nervous energy made him rethink that. It does feel more like a protective sense of unease than anything else. 

If anything happens, they’ll be waiting. 

* * *

Andrew puts his arm back around Changkyun as soon as it’s just the two of them. 

_“Well, what do you say we go for a little walk?”_

His eyes are smug and his smile even more so, like they’re playing a game and he already knows he’s won. It’s weird. It’s like middle-school again and that scares him. 

_“You know, I really have been thinking about you recently,”_ Andrew grins, leading them out the door, _“Girl I was interested in starts spouting shit about K-pop every chance she gets. Half Korean, or so she claims, I think she’s actually Viet or something. Well, she convinced me to come here and then had the balls to ditch me just to gush over more squinty-eyed ladyboys. People like you, like your little_ friends _back there. You have friends now, huh?”_

Changkyun jumps at the question, jumps again when Andrew squeezes his arm, using it to yank him along. 

_“Do you actually think you’re gonna go anywhere?_ Mon-sta X? _Really?”_

Sarcasm drips from his voice, matches the words he used to spit years ago when he would tear pages from Changkyun’s notebooks and read them out loud for everyone to laugh at. 

_“I-I don’t know…what it is you…want? From me?”_

_“I want you to just go away,”_ Andrew hisses, _“You infuriate me and I don’t fucking know why. Pretty boys like you just. Piss. Me. Off.”_

The words take a second to register, Changkyun jerks back when they finally do because this is taking a turn and he doesn’t know what to do. 

Calling the others is the immediate thing he thinks of, but first he’s got to get away from the American with a middle-school grudge against him. 

He doesn’t try to speak anymore, just jerks away from the hands reaching for him and turns to run. 

But Andrew was nothing if not built, and easily catches up after just a few meters before tackling Changkyun to the ground. 

The wind is knocked out of his lungs at the force, thankfully managing to stop his head from hitting but everything else hurts instead. 

His side burns. His arm too. Changkyun cries out as his wrist and ankle throb when he tries to move. It’s the same one he kind of messed up when Hyunwoo tripped, it hurts like hell but it’s not broken and that’s enough for him to scramble up and continue running. 

His heart is beating out of his chest, this wasn’t what he expected to happen, not like this. He finally found a place that he felt _safe,_ only to have it ripped out from under him like an ugly rug. 

_“Fucking—Come back here!”_

Stopping would be stupid. For once Changkyun is thankful for the grueling practices that have built his stamina up, but the pain in his ankle is only getting worse. 

It’s joined by the burning in his lungs and the pulling on his side, he chances a look down and there’s a dark patch on his black shirt surrounding a rip that wasn’t there before and that’s _blood._ There’s blood lazily oozing from a cut on his side and one on his arm and so many fucking scrapes. 

That means Andrew has a fucking knife on him and isnt afraid to use it on him. 

Holy shit, holy _fucking shit._ This is crazy, this isn’t something that happens to normal people but Changkyun should have learned by now that nothing ever really goes his way. 

Today was too good a day for something like this _not_ to happen. Because that’s how his life went. 

He ends up running back into the crowded streets, away from the back ones they had been on and into the mass of people. 

His heart is still thumping in his ears, it’s all he can hear, but he can see lips forming angry words whenever he bumps into another stranger. 

“Changkyun!”

It’s Jooheon that yells that, not Andrew. Jooheon that stands under a pavilion, waving his arms to catch his attention before yelling his name again. 

Changkyun doesn’t even think, just barrels into the older rapper’s chest and lets himself fall as his legs finally give out. 

He can’t breathe. 

Jooheon is yelling something, Kihyun is yelling, everyone is yelling and there are colors all over him, too many colors there’s so many colors and it’s too much. 

Changkyun manages to sob out, “I wanna go _home,”_ before everything goes dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah I took that second prompt literally what of it
> 
> pls comment nd kudos i need them to survive


	4. Fallin’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Glitters | "I agree this is the worst decision you've made. But I love you all the same."**
> 
> Changkyun’s eyes glitter when he cries. He cries a lot after trying to get through another poorly thought out decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I’m so behind on these but any one that knows me from my other shit knows this is fast updates from me haha
> 
> yet more trash I yeeted out just to get done so it sucks rip

“I told you, it’s fine.”

Changkyun had woken up just as Hyunwoo had placed him on the couch in their living room, grateful for the familiar place, and even more so for the lack of hospital walls. 

And he’d like to keep it that way, which is why he is currently pleading with Kihyun to leave him alone. 

“Changkyun—”

_ “Please,  _ Hyung. I promise it’s not as bad as it looks,” Changkyun assures, “It’s not even bleeding.”

Kihyun rubs his temples, “At least let me clean it.”

“No!”

Changkyun quickly realizes his mistake as Kihyun jumps at the tone, wincing as he tries to think of  _ something _ to get him out. 

“I-I mean, I just really want to be alone right now. I’ll clean it before I shower and wrap it after, please don’t worry.”

It takes a few more attempts to get Kihyun to agree, but eventually Changkyun is able to wear down the older into giving him space.

Even in the closed area of the bathroom, Changkyun can’t help but feel eyes on him as he gingerly peels his shirt up from the bottom. He winces when it drags over the cut on his arm, and then again when he has to lift his arms high enough to get the damn thing off. 

He wishes he was comfortable with even just letting Kihyun help, but the scars on his shoulders stand out too noticeably in the brightness of the bathroom lights. 

His wrists aren’t nearly as bad. Thin, silvery lines fall in parallels up his skin. They’re easy enough to cover with makeup when he has to, and faded enough by now that they probably won’t be noticed unless someone really looks. 

He has no doubt that Kihyun would see them. Changkyun doesn’t want to seem weirder than he already is, or answer any more questions that pry into the things he’d like to keep secret. 

His left wrist throbs when he uses it to turn his other arm, trying to get a look at the cut in the mirror but it ends up being the last thing he focuses on. 

The mirror isn’t a nice thing, not to him. Changkyun does what he can to avoid looking at himself whenever he can. 

If this cut scars, it’ll just be another one to hide. 

He gets himself into the shower as soon as he can after that, washing away the makeup still covering his arms, dirt from falling, the left-over fear that clings to his skin. Changkyun hadn’t noticed before, but his palms had been scraped up pretty badly during that altercation and they sting when they come in contact with the soap. 

But, all in all, the shower feels like a god send. Warm water rushing down his back, at least helping soothe the already deep-set ache in his muscles. He sighs, dropping his forehead against the tile and squeezing his eyes shut.

The blankness is starting to set it. 

Changkyun doesn’t want to think about what happened. What could have happened. He doesn’t think about the new bruises that pulse and throb under the water, or the gravel-caused indents on his palms and knees. Doesn’t look down at them as he scrubs at the insides of his arms, shoulders, hands, and back up again until the skin is hot to the touch. The cut doesn’t even sting anymore. 

He doesn’t look at his shoulders, the discolored stripes that line his arms like paper. A story of worse times written there. 

He doesn’t want to remember. Or think. The bruises and the pain and the  _ laughter. _ Somehow that was always the worst part, his pain brought joy to them, his suffering was just a game as they wait for him to emerge from rooms alone. Vulnerable. So they can leave him screaming in pain until the nothingness takes over.

So he doesn’t think. 

Changkyun goes through the motions easy enough. It’s something he’s done enough times that it doesn’t require him to be present, he can just stop.

He doesn’t know how long he just stands there, letting the water beat down on him, but his hands shake even as they’re left hanging limp at his sides. The noise around him is a constant reminder that he doesn’t want. He’s not safe here, surrounded by too many prying eyes. 

It’s bad, bad to let himself become complacent. He needs to be ready for anything.

No, they’re not like that, Changkyun is learning this however slowly. He does trust them but trust can only go so far. They’re working to make up for  _ his _ mistakes and that’s already more than Changkyun could have ever asked for.

Maybe he can let them in. Let them see whatever it is they’re so desperate to figure out. They’re his soulmates. Changkyun can’t ever forget that.

It brings him out enough to blink the bleariness from his eyes as he stares down at the color streaking his body. That was proof. It isn’t much, but it’s something.

He takes a shallow breath before turning the knob of the shower, letting it come to a complete stop.

Without the water drowning any outside noise, it’s easy to hear everyone outside the safety of the bathroom. They’re all still there, probably pretending everything is fine and Changkyun isn’t some anomaly in their life. Something dirty, tarnishing all they’ve worked for. 

But, Changkyun’s worked for it  _ too. _

He bites down on his tongue at the warmth that rushes behind his eyes. Why is he like this? Why was he so emotionally inept one second, and then as volatile as a storm the next?

His toes curl against the soft, fuzzy texture of the pink bath mat Minhyuk had fought so hard for, even though it clashes with the teal shower curtain, Kihyun gave up after only a few minutes of begging.

It makes him smile. 

“It’s fine,” he mutters to himself, because it is. Nothing happened today. He really was fine. 

“It’s fine,” he repeats, but somehow believes it a little less.

“It’s fine,” he chokes, knowing it’s a lie the second his throat squeezes the words out.

It’s fine, but it’s not. He’s fine, but he’s not. 

Changkyun shivers, reaches for the towel haphazardly thrown on one of the hooks by the sink. It’s probably used but he can’t even bring himself to care about that, but he pretends like he does to distract himself from the way it tugs against the jagged edges of his skin. It’s fine.

He turns to the mirror and freezes.

The warmth of the water only served to make the contrast between his skin and the scars even starker. They’re nearly purple and Changkyun almost feels bile rise in his throat at the sight. 

He takes a deep breath. It comes out choked. 

Changkyun can’t stop staring at them.

“It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine.”

He forgot to grab clothes. He’s about to just put on what he was wearing but remembers the dirt and the cuts and the blood that has ruined the fabric. 

It’s not even something he has to worry about for long because someone gives the door a solitary knock before opening it, not giving Changkyun longer than a second to figure out how to cover himself. 

_ “Hyung?”  _ He screeches, digging his nails into soft skin as he wraps his arms around himself in an attempt to hide. 

It doesn’t do enough. Hyungwon stands there with a look of shock clearer than any other emotion that’s been written on his face. 

Changkyun wishes, out of anybody it could have been, it just wasn’t Hyungwon that walked into the bathroom. He has no idea what the taller boy thinks of him as is, but now he’s been caught in this sorry state. Maroon scars lining his skin and chest heaving just to continue working. 

“Changkyun—“

“Ah, sorry. I’m—“ His heart sounds like it’s beating directly in his ears, “Just—Please—“

He wants to tell him to put the clothes down and walk out like he hasn’t seen a thing but words just aren’t working right now. Changkyun thinks back to bruises and angry, blue eyes and doesn’t see the teal that inks his skin before flinching back and yanking his hand away. 

Changkyun struggles to swallow around the stone of guilt that has lodged itself in his throat as he forces himself to meet Hyungwon’s eyes for what might just be the first time. 

He doesn’t see anything. 

Hyungwon’s eyes are dark and expressionless, no anger, no disgust, not even pity. 

Changkyun doesn’t know what to do with that. 

“Here.”

The clothes are placed on the counter between them, Hyungwon doesn’t break eye contact until he’s turning around to leave. 

Changkyun lets out the breath he had been holding as he repeats the same broken mantra in his head. 

It’s fine. 

———

It’s not fine.

Changkyun’s head was spinning with each step he took, pounding in rhythm with the heavy bass he can’t seem to escape.

It’s barely been three hours but he already feels ready to drop. Part of him regrets convincing Kihyun and the others that he was fine, but it’s been two days and nothing even happened anyway.

He didn’t wake anyone up that morning when he shot awake, sweaty and nauseous and feeling like he was seconds from throwing up all over himself.

The mix of Hyunwoo’s voice and Kihyun’s much higher one mixes with the loud pounds they make with each step, and each one only makes him dizzier.

“Should we go through it one more time?”

Changkyun wants to shake Jooheon as soon as he opens his mouth, but the older rappers placement in relation to him is questionable at best, and Changkyun has a sickly feeling creeping up on him that he  _ will _ pass out the second he opens his eyes, which isn’t good at all.

His ankle is past the point of hurting, his entire leg is just throbbing at this point. Not to mention the burning in his side with every twist he has to make.

He nearly screamed trying to get it clean so after a few days he gave up. The cut on his arm wasn’t nearly as bad, but Changkyun still wonders how in the hell he missed them happening.

“Changkyun-ah?” Hoseok appeared in his rapidly-blurring vision, “Everything okay? You’re looking kind of pale.”

“Yeah, Hyung. I’m fine, just a headache.”

He knew just saying  _ ‘I’m fine’ _ was a sure-fire way to get Kihyun on his ass, and he wasn’t even lying about the headache part, he just wasn’t telling the whole truth.

As usual, the words attract a worried-looking Kihyun, “Do you want to sit down? Where’s your water? Drink.”

“I said I was fine,” Changkyun grumbles. 

“Well you don’t look it.”

“With all due respect, Minhyuk-Hyung, I don’t know why you care.”

“Changkyun,” Hyunwoo scolds, “That was out of line. We’re just worried.”

“And I’m saying that you  _ shouldn’t  _ be,” Changkyun snaps, now holding all eyes in the room, “I said I was fine how many times? Just let it go.”

The room stays silent, Changkyun lets the breath he has been holding go and sheepishly looks around the scattered group. 

“Sorry, guys, I didn’t mean to be so rude.”

Kihyun looks at him with pursed lips, “It’s fine. Let's just finish this practice so we can go home.”

_ Ouch.  _ “Thanks…” Changkyun mumbles, waiting for Jooheon and Minhyuk to hesitantly retake their places. 

The music restarts and Changkyun waits for their cue to come but the second his foot touches the ground, red-hot pain shoots through his leg and he nearly falls right then. 

It only causes the spots in his vision to darken, far quicker than before and Changkyun actually does fall. 

“Hey!” Jooheon’s voice sounded underwater but it’s almost like he’s coming closer. Changkyun tries to respond, except the only thing that comes out is a breathy wince before he hits the ground. 

He’s panting on his hands and knees, forehead hanging limply just inches from the floor as he tries not to throw up. Breathing in, breathing out.

His ankle  _ really  _ hurts, the room feels like a furnace, and Changkyun is probably going to throw up. 

“Kyunnie,” Kihyun calls as he settles beside the youngest, wincing when he spits a mouthful of saliva onto the wooden floor, “You're okay, just take a second. Hoseok-ah, Hand me that water bottle.”

Changkyun moans at the hand on his back. Everything is spinning, even with his eyes squeezed shut as they were. Part of him wishes he would just pass out.

And then someone grabs his ankle and everything goes white.

“Woah, woah! Changkyun-ah, I’ve got you, buddy,” Hyunwoo’s arms circle under his stomach, holding him up as green sprouts along his body like vines.

The lock around his chest is what makes him realize, however faintly, that he’s started crying somewhere along the way.

————

Changkyun’s eyes glitter when he cries.

Maybe right now isn’t really the time to think about that, with the youngest half-conscious in Hyunwoo’s hold, but Hyungwon can’t really help himself. 

Changkyun is cute, that much is blatantly obvious, and he somehow manages to make Hyungwon feel things he’s never even thought about before. 

Minhyuk was easy. Minhyuk was a constant annoyance in his life, turned friend, turned potential bandmate, turned soulmate. Until he wasn’t the only one. 

There was no color, yet Hyungwon knew. Somehow. 

And then Changkyun came along and everything made so much sense while also making none at all. 

Jooheon was never someone to baby, to Kihyun and Minhyuk, maybe, but not to him. They were too close in age for Hyungwon to see him as anything but someone on the same level of the game of life as he was. 

He didn’t really even care that Kihyun and Minhyuk were born a few months before him, or whatever. They were basically at the same place in life that he was. 

But Changkyun made him see different, something not even Yoonho had been able to do and he was even younger than Changkyun was. 

Changkyun seemed so bland, so stoic, until you caught him in the moments where he was laughing so hard that the milk he was drinking came out of his nose. 

Or the sight that greeted him in the bathroom several days prior, Changkyun’s arms bare for eyes to catch on each and every scar they could in the short minute.

So seeing him like this, crying on the floor after Hoseok barely even turned his ankle, makes something in his chest  _ squeeze.  _ Like there’s a hand around his heart pulling forward and Hyungwon has no choice but to follow, lest it be yanked out. 

He reaches forward, petting along Changkyun’s hair, down his face, back up in an attempt to calm him. 

Changkyun’s eyes sparkle with tears and Hyungwon’s heart clenches, “I agree this might be the worst decision you’ve made here, but I love you all the same.”

“W-What?”

“Stupid,” Hyungwon quietly laughs, “Of course we all love you. You’re our center, Kyun-ah.”

He worries for a second, when the rapper’s face scrunches up and the tears only fall harder, faster, but then he has a lapful of maknae sobbing against his shoulder.

“H-Hurts. Hyu-ng, it  _ hurts.” _

Kihyun flutters nervously at their side, likely wanting to step in but he knows that Hyungwon was the one Changkyun latched onto, so he’ll likely have the easiest time coercing him into opening up.

“What hurts?” He asks, even though he’s pretty sure they’ve all figured out it was his ankle by now—

But then Changkyun curls around his side and Hyungwon’s mind flashes back to the gash there that the rapper had convinced them looked much worse than it was.

“Kihyun, lift his shirt up.”

You know it’s something serious when Kihyun doesn’t even admonish him for his lack of honorifics and just listens, lifting the sweat-damp shirt up as Changkyun tries to curl away.

He whines when his midsection is exposed to the air, but Hyungwon audibly gasps at the sight. The cut is much worse than any of them thought, it’s not even deep, just swallowed in a pale-yellow and green that was a clear sign of infection setting in.

“Damn it,” Kihyun hisses, “That’s what the fever is from then.  _ Fuck.” _

“Should we just take him home?” Jooheon asks.

Kihyun ponders the question, looking every bit torn between suggesting a hospital trip and just taking him home to fawn over him there.

“We’ll…We’ll go home and see if we can do something first,” he finally decides, Changkyun quiets down slightly so Hyungwon hopes it’s the right choice, “But if it’s too bad, then Hyunwoo-Hyung and I will take him to get checked out, okay?”

Hyungwon nods, and then ends up shooting Minhyuk a look when the older boy looks ready to speak up. 

Letting Kihyun handle everything is a massive cop-out but he’s definitely the one Hyungwon trusts the most with making decisions on Changkyun’s well being. 

He’s also got a sneaking suspicion that he knows more than he’s letting on, but that’s just another thing that will come to light at a later date, so Hyungwon will let it be. 

For now. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me I suck

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my other Kyun story and my iKON shit if you’re into that!!
> 
> peace~~


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